so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
