Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
