i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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