My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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