Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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