new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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