omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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