So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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