I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
