I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
