how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
