I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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