Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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