Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
