u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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