he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
