I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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