I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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