She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
