my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
