Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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