do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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