One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So many bounce houses so little time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
