Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
