Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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