Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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