hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
