Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize