Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
how drunk are you?
Several
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize