I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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