so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
