My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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