I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
