ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
