I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize