Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
