If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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