yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
