There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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