I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
