I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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