I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
did i walk over a car last night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
