I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
