ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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