Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
