Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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