i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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