Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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