the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
