how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
