I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
