I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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