After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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