i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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