Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
