i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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