guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
