I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
