can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
