Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
